My usual excuses are worthless here

Having five kids is a good excuse for almost everything.

House messy? Well, of course it is, I have five kids.

Not super involved in the community? Well, I do have five kids to take care of.

Finished my Bachelor's at age 34? Well, OK, but I have five kids. Really, it's impressive that I finished at all ("but Ali, didn't you start, like, 7 years before your first child was b- " "Five. Kids.")

But having five kids is not a good excuse as to why I completely stopped updating my blog that was/is all about my kids. As a friend recently reminded me, "Just record whatever they say."

(It's also not a great excuse for slacking at work, because there's a woman in my department who has a PhD and whose job is way more impressive than my job and who is pregnant with her sixth. Not that I'm jealous or anything; my readjusted Life Goal has been "make the top 50% look good by comparison" for quite some time now).

Anyway. The point is - there's no excuse for neglecting a blog for over two years. Or at least, none that I could make with a straight face. All the good excuses - say, "I got super busy with work and school" - would work a lot better coming from someone who hasn't been making as extensive use of her Netflix subscription as I have.

So how are the kids?

Adi is 11. She wants a cat very, very badly. There are probably other things happening in her life, too, but the cat thing is the only thing she's in the mood to tell me about.

N just turned 10. (Adi was not pleased. "If I'm 11 and she's 10, that makes it sound like she's almost my age! I know, if someone asks me her age, I'll just say 'she's in fourth grade,' then it sounds like we're two years apart"). She likes singing, and is remarkably well behaved. Basically, she got her personality from the other side of the family.

D is 8. When I last posted, she was in first grade. So how has school been going, for a child with D's... let's say "spirited" personality?
Ahahahahaha. *sobs*
Seriously, though - she can read, she can do math, and she even knows all kinds of stuff about the Bible that I never learned. So she's doing fine in my book.

S is 6. She did eventually get speech therapy. It helped. She likes anything by Disney.

E is 4. He also got speech therapy. So we're 3 for 5 so far, and for three entirely different reasons. D had hearing trouble that led to trouble pronouncing certain letters; S had memory retrieval issues; and E has general communication issues. Or more - the world has trouble communicating with him. He, for his part, is perfectly happy sitting in the corner and playing with his dinosaurs.

And hey look! That last line reminded me of a child-related story, which I will share as my first step toward blogging again:

About a year ago, the kids and I were hanging out at a friend's house. E was playing with some of their toys - a stuffed puppy, and a toy baby carriage. He had the puppy in the carriage, and was rocking it gently and humming.

I practically melted. Awwww. Sure, he tends to fit all the boy stereotypes - all sticks are actually swords, trucks are the most amazing thing in creation, etc - but he has a sweet, nurturing side too.

And then he pulled out a dinosaur toy, which proceeded to eat the toy puppy with great gusto (I believe "AHM NAHM NAHM" were the exact sounds...)

So much for nurturing. 

Recent lines from my kids:

"Mom, I'm not being pointlessly cruel to my sisters! It's a scientific experiment."

"It's too bad that there's only one [sister]. Because if there were more than one, I could destroy a few of them, and we'd still have one left."

"NOBODY CAN BE HERE BUT ME!! Oh, and Eitan. People under age three don't count as people."

Ahh, sisterly love.

I'm special

Four years ago, I got a nasty cough in November that lasted for two months. Three years ago, I got a nasty cough in November that lasted for two months. Two years ago, same deal, last year, same deal, this year it was three months.

So finally, finally this year I went in for allergy testing and... nothing. I have no allergies (except for my long-time allergy to mangoes, which must at least make the top 10 list for "random stupid things it's apparently possible to be allergic to").

On the one hand, this is kind of annoying. For the past few years I've been telling myself each year "meh, probably just allergies, I'll deal with it someday." Now I have to face the fact that apparently my body just can't handle winter.

On the other hand - IN YOUR FACE, SNAN!!!!

Guys. Snan and I each have our individual talents. She's into education, I'm into politics. She learned Latin, I learned Hebrew. She has a large and diverse group of friends, I have close friendships with... let's go with "a very very exclusive group."

But Snan has been better than me at anything physical since roughly the time she was born. Seriously, I wasn't even born breathing. She had me beat right out the gate. It continued with crawling (I never did manage that one), riding a bike (she learned in three hours, I picked up the same skill over the course of three years), and basically anything that requires more coordination than does sitting on a couch.

And now, just maybe, there's one physical thing that I'm a bit better at. Sure, I can't row boats, or climb up a rope, or run marathons (my motto used to be "I'll only run if something's chasing me," but then I realized that if I'm being chased by something that wants  to kill me, running will only ensure that the last few seconds of my life are extra miserable. So now my motto is just "no running."). Or do pushups. Or walk without walking into door frames.

But I can breath around cats. And for right now, that's enough to make me feel special.

I don't pay my babysitter enough

Today my kids were walking home with the babysitter, when I heard a knock on the door. I opened it and saw one of my kids, who will remain anonymous (hah!), standing there alone.

Child: I ran away from Babysitter, because she was mean to me.
Me: You ran away?? Does she know where you are?
Child: I dunno. But they were being mean!
Me: Who was mean?
Child:
Me: You can't run away, it's not safe.
(in the meantime, babysitter arrives)
Me (to babysitter: Child was just telling me that she ran away because her feelings were hurt.
Babysitter: Aww, I'm sorry. Who hurt your feelings?
Child: You did.
Babysitter: Why, what did I say?
Child: You yelled at me.
Babysitter: What, when I said you're not allowed to hide from me?
Child: Yes, but not just that.
Me: Child, you really aren't allowed to hide from her.
Babysitter: Was it when I told you you're not allowed to play with the elevator, because [the museum staff] don't allow it?
Child: No. It was when you said I couldn't go into the road!
Babysitter: Oh, when I said you couldn't go into the road alone?
Child: Yes!

... as you can see, Child has a tough life. As does Babysitter, when she's here.

And now, off to say an extra prayer for this kid to reach adulthood, preferably with all her limbs still attached to her body. And to talk to Viggy about giving Babysitter a bonus.

Happy birthday to Snan!!

So I've been the laziest of lazy people when it comes to updating this blog, but I've been pulled out of semi-blog-retirement by the BIRTHDAY OF THE BEST LITTLE SISTER EVAR!!!!!!!!

In honor of Snan's birthday (which I think we should all agree to refer to as Snanday), a brief birthday-themed round of....

Snan and Alirsnan:

Snan realizes that once you hit a certain age, you don't need to be overly precise about your age

Alirsnan just plain doesn't remember.

Snan knows that making a delicious birthday cake is simple. Just find a good recipe, and follow it!

Alirsnan still struggles.












But Snan and Alirsnan have this in common: both like to look at the positive side of their current age.

College

Does anyone else think that society is really weird about college?

Like, if an acquaintance ran into me and asked what I've been up to, and I said, "Oh, I've quit work, and instead I'm spending several hours a day - and over 1,000 shekels a month - learning to juggle," they'd be like, "Wow. Ali's turned into a juggling-obsessed loon. I hope it's not catching."

But if I said, "Oh, I've quit work, and instead I'm spending several hours a day - and over 1,000 shekels a month - taking classes at university, where I learn things like how to calculate the value of cosine at inconvenient points without a calculator (in a mere 20 minutes)" people are like "Oh! How nice!" In fact, the only possible criticism seems to be "why are you only doing this now?"

Of course, there's a difference between those two situations. Juggling can get you jobs entertaining children at birthday parties.

All about S

Conversations with S. All real, all from the past two days:

(S and I stop at a friend's house)

Me: S, let's leave the stroller out here. We'll be back out in a minute.

S: OK. *glares at nearby snail* But that snail had better not take it.

***

(On the way home)

S: *rips handful of leaves off of random plant, offers them to me* Mommy, for you!!

Me: Thanks, sweetie, but it's not nice to rip the leaves off of plants. Plants need their leaves.

S: *thinks*

S: *picks up filthy bottle cap that has fallen from nearby overflowing dumpster, offers it to me* Mommy, for you!!

***

Me: S, do you want this with ketchup?

S: Without ketchup.

Me: OK.

S: Without ketchup!

Me: OK! No ketchup.

S: I said without ketchup!!!

Me: I didn't give you any ketchup!

Me: ... wait, when you say "without ketchup," do you mean "yes ketchup"?

S: Yes ketchup.

Me: *gives ketchup*

S: Bananas aren't allowed to have this.

S: *giggles to herself*

***

(We pass a random child walking with her father. Total strangers.)

S: Mommy, look! *turns to girl* You're a sweet potato chocolate banana!!

Me: S! That's not nice, you'll hurt her feelings.

S: But she is a banana chocolate.

(this was a bit of a tricky one, because "banana chocolate" is really not an insult. I went with telling her that we don't use words to hurt people's feelings. I was rewarded with a Look of Ultimate Betrayal, which is usually a good sign when it comes to discipline)

***

S: Mommy, can Moshe come to play? *pause* I won't hit him.

***

Reasons S has gone into full-on hysterical sobbing in the past week:

- because I handed her the gray spoon, not the blue spoon

- because daddy went to work. This has only happened nearly every day since S was born, so naturally, she hasn't quite had time to adjust yet.

- because she wanted to play with her friend Odeliyah (at night).

- because "I didn't want" (????)

note: list is not comprehensive

***

Things S is very good at:

- jumping like a frog

- running in circles

- greeting people she loves with complete, overwhelming enthusiasm

- being adorable