So. It's elections day here in Israel, and I don't want to vote for anyone.
A rundown of the parties that currently have a realistic chance of making it into Knesset:
Yesh Atid
Yesh Atid was the big "elections surprise" party of the last elections. (Israel usually has at least one new party that does surprisingly well, because we're always hoping that this time we'll finally find someone better than the usual bunch of idiots. We are always disappointed.)
It's overall liberal on social issues, centrist on diplomacy, and confused on the economy (other than a strong desire for things to be better than they are now, there doesn't seem to be much of a clear viewpoint).
Pros: Has goals that nearly everyone can support. Who doesn't want a better economy, cheaper housing, and a more equitable distribution of military service?
Cons: Has plans that nearly everyone can see make no sense. Forcing hareidim to serve in the army - how is that going to work, exactly? Wouldn't reducing the tax on purchasing a new apartment just increase demand without increasing supply and thus exacerbate the housing crisis?
Meretz
Meretz is liberal on social issues, socialist re: the economy, and left-wing on diplomacy.
Pros: Is faithful to its ideological platform.
Cons: Is faithful to its ideological platform primarily because it is never in the coalition. Personally, if I had to choose between "uncompromising" and "actually got something done," I'd choose the latter. (Meretz's "list of accomplishments" it was handing out before the elections included almost exclusively issues that Meretz "worked for" or "supported," rather than "did.")
Shas/Gimmel:
The two hareidi (ultra-orthodox) parties. There are differences between them, primarily that Shas has schools that are somewhat religiously mainstream and are used by non-hareidi families, while Gimmel does not.
Wait, political parties with affiliated school systems? Oh yes. And that's basically the point of these parties - they exist to trade Coalition support for funding for their communities.
Pros: Both are very strong on promoting social welfare and alleviating poverty.
Cons: To paraphrase Eretz Nehederet (a satirical TV show): Shas cares for the poor. Shas cares for the children who go to bed hungry, wake up hungry, and go to Shas schools, where they get an education that will keep them hungry.
In other words: Shas and Gimmel want to help the poor, but in a way that doesn't involve teaching secular subjects (like math and science) in boys' schools, reducing the birthrate, internet use, or employment in non-hareidi workplaces. So... yeah.
Machane Hatzioni (aka Livni and Herzog):
Center-left party made of the Labor party combined with Tzipi Livni, who has shown a truly admirable (/terrifying) ability to survive political failures. Will probably get the most votes. Will probably not be able to assemble a coalition.
Pros: Is not Bibi.
Cons: The only thing they could think to base the campaign on was their non-Bibi-ness. How bad do you have to get to get the point where "at least we're not that guy" is the only point in your favor?
Also, I went to see them speak and I don't think their diplomatic or economic platforms make much sense. Re: diplomacy, the plan is roughly that Livni will talk with Abbas, as she's done before, but this time it will be better. Why better? Because the Americans support Livni more than Bibi. Think how ironic that would be if true - if Israel and the PA couldn't make peace because the pro-peace America didn't think Bibi wanted peace enough.
Re: the economy, the idea is that they government will stop spending roughly 10 million shekels per year on settlement in the west bank, and this will somehow give it the 100 billion it would need to overhaul the school system and the health system, build new public housing, and relocate 100,000 Israelis from the west bank.
I know that politicians are usually (deliberately) bad at math, but Herzog acts like math killed his puppy when he was a kid.
Likud (aka Bibi):
Center-right party made up of Binyamin Netanyahu and I guess probably some other people too. Has been in charge of the government for the past few years.
Pros: Has made some progress on reducing cost of living through increased economic competition, has reduced the cost of childcare, did not totally screw up on security.
Cons: Is Bibi. Also, did not fix housing crisis or even make it the tiniest bit better.
Yachad:
A bizarre mix of former Shas members and far-right Jewish nationalists. Stands a good chance of passing the voting threshold.
Pros: Ex-Shas MKs will care for poor, far-right Jewish nationalists would be faithful to their ideology.
Cons: Ex-Shas MKs - see Shas/Gimmel. Far-right Jewish nationalists would be faithful to their ideology.
Yisrael Beiteinu (aka Lieberman):
Right-wing on diplomacy and economy, liberal on religious/secular issues. Headed by Russian immigrant Avigdor Lieberman, who is like a cross between Likud, Yesh Atid, and Darth Vader.
Pros: is sensitive to issues facing immigrants, who are a large percent of the population.
Cons: seriously, Lieberman's not even trying to not look like a terrifying fascist. (Technically that's a pro if you, like me, want your Knesset to have a bit of entertainment value. But I'd rather they stay a small party.)
Bayit Yehudi (Jewish Home):
A mix of modern-orthodox Jews (those are the ones who serve in the army, go to university, and believe God doesn't want them to drive on Shabbat but is OK with men and women conversing) and a couple of token right-wing secular Jews. Is right-wing on diplomacy, supports a free market economy with some social welfare programs, is conservative on social issues (eg. public transport on Shabbat, gay marriage).
Pros: Has decent ideas re: fixing the housing crisis, has decent voting record on social welfare and education-related issues, will not waste human lives by releasing murderers in a futile attempt to restart peace talks.
Cons: Diplomatic platform seems to be as follows: 1. No land concessions to Palestinians, 2. Magic happens here, 3. Everything is awesome.
There's a happy grey area between "I would do anything for peace, including things likely to cause further bloodshed" and "I would do nothing for peace," and Bayit Yehudi doesn't seem to be there yet.
Arab list:
A combination of Arab parties, including the Arab-Jewish communist party Hadash, the Islamic Movement (which still refers to Israel as "inner Palestine"), and Balad (a secular nationalist party founded by Azmi Bishara, who fled the country a few years ago after allegedly spying for Hezbollah).
Pros: Headed by Ayman Odeh, a charismatic leader with a very reasonable list of objectives. Will probably get lots of seats and remind Israel's government that Arab citizens exist and also need stuff.
Cons: Includes several members whose views range from pro-terrorist to openly-fascist. Most members will refuse to serve in any coalition ever for ideological reasons, making them basically seat filler (with occasional entertainment value).
Cachlon:
OK, this party has a real name, I think, but I forget what it is. It's the Moshe Cachlon party. Cachlon is ex-Likud, and is basically running on Yesh Atid's platform from 2 years ago, but without the controversial bits.
Cachlon's plan seems to involve saying as little as possible, and getting tons of votes anyway just because he's new and shiny. It will probably work.
Pros: Is new and shiny.
Cons: Will inevitably disappoint.
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I think that's it. I'll post my predictions later.