My children - a ranking

For whatever reason, I find myself mentally ranking my children in terms of their chances of success in organized crime. And being me, instead of ignoring the thought as obviously bizarre and disturbing, I decided to share.

But first - in case at some future date my kids have learned to read and are reading this: kids, you should know that after you go to bed, your father and I don't do boring grownup things like I said. We stay up late and eat candy and watch movies.

There, that should keep them fuming elsewhere.

Now to the rankings. (I should note that I'm only ranking their odds of success if they do choose this path, not their chances of choosing a life of crime.)

A:
Points in her favor: she is clever, and in particular, is good with numbers and has an impressive memory. That would come in handy when remembering which judges she's already bought off, and calculating how much she can afford to offer the rest.

She is used to giving orders, and was the first to come up with the idea of using someone else to do your dirty work ("D, go hit N for me, OK?").

Points against her: she badly wants to be a good girl, and tends to obey authority figures. Also, she can't look people in the face if she's done something wrong.

Total score: 5/10.

N:
Points in her favor: I can't really think of anything.

Points against her: everything about her.

Points in her favor on second thought: if she does turn to a life of crime, she'll have the enviable advantage of being the last person anyone would ever suspect.

Total score: 2/10.

D:
Points in her favor: Usually fearless. Bonus points: when she is afraid, it just makes her aggressive. This is a child who is afraid of dogs, and therefore, makes sure to yell at them before they get a chance to bark at her.

Does not take no for an answer. Does not see rules as "made to be broken" - simply does not perceive rules in the first place, as they are unworthy of notice.

Can lie with a straight face.

When she has spotted her target, she usually manages to quietly size up the situation, then wait until the moment is ripe to strike.

Has been able to beat her older siblings in a fight since the age of roughly 12 months (the secret - hit first, fight dirty).

Points against her: Does not seem to have any aims beyond obtaining raw oatmeal for immediate consumption. A mob boss is usually expected to have a bit more vision than that.

Is too volatile. Although she seems intelligent, if she doesn't learn self-control she could ruin a perfectly simple delivery by stopping to yell "Fooya cops" at police officers just for the heck of it.

Total score: 8/10

S:
Points in her favor: Is so cute that she could get away with pretty much anything. Can already use torture in the form of sleep deprivation.

Points against her: Unable to talk, walk, or lift anything weighing more than a quarter of a pound.

Total score: 2/10 but has definite potential for improvement.