Some mornings your kids come over, climb their way into your lap, put their arms around you and just sit for a few minutes, enjoying your presence.
That's usually the first sign that they're coming down with something.
Kids get sick. They get sick in slightly mismatched cycles, with one becoming ill just as the other hits the halfway point between illness and recovery. There is no "finished," once the virus has run its way through all the kids, it will just make a second round. Or maybe they'll get lice or something, kids like to spice things up like that.
Sometimes you'll be thinking, "Yes, kids get sick every once in a while, but fortunately everything's OK for now," and other times you'll be thinking, "For !@#$ sake there has not been ONE DAY since December that somebody hasn't been sick, not ONE."
So for future note, here are some of the more common childhood sicknesses, their symptoms and treatment.
Cold:
The most well-known symptoms of a cold are:
- runny nose
- cough
But it's hard to diagnose a cold based on external symptoms like a runny nose, because all children's noses are basically constantly running from October to April. So you need to look a little deeper here, and look at your child's behavior.
- energetic enough to kick her sister, but too out of sorts to enjoy it.
That's your real sign right there.
Treatment: Arm yourself with tissues and lunge at their face to wipe it whenever they drop their guard. Also, lots of fluids or something.
Flu:
- fever
- lack of energy for normal activity, such as tearing up sisters' art projects
- child is tired during the day, but at night wakes up every two hours crying.
Treatment: Over the counter fever drugs (them), lots of coffee (you).
Stomach bug:
- lack of energy for anything but watching the same episode of Dora the Explorer over and over until you want to go back in time and shoot whoever wrote it.
- child is tired during the day, but at night wakes up every two hours crying and vomiting on you.
Treatment: Apple juice (them), vodka (you). Try not to get so tired you mix them up.
Urinary tract infection:
- child has plenty of energy to get up to no good during the day, but at night wakes up every two hours crying and grabbing themselves between the legs.
Treatment: In theory, antibiotics - but to get those, you have to first convince a toddler to pee in a plastic cup. So... try cranberry juice or something.
Lice/worms:
- child has plenty of energy during the day, but at night wakes up every two hours itching.
Treatment: Doing so much laundry that you start to wonder if you've been living in hell all along without realizing it, then doing it again when you find out the hot water settings were broken the first time. Also, spraying bug poison on your child or giving it to them orally. Don't worry about the side effects. Not all mutations are bad - your child might be the first real-life X-Man!
Oh crap it's really serious:
- child has a fever, but doesn't seem bothered by it. In fact, all child wants to do is alternately sleep, stare into space, and cuddle.
Treatment: Take your child to the doctor, feel ashamed for secretly hoping for hospitalization because then maybe you could finally finish your new book. Go home with worthless fever meds and instructions to come back if the fever hits 106 and spend the night constantly monitoring your child's temperature, which remains static at 105.9. By the morning your child will feel fine, and will be happily clambering over the drooling shell that used to be you.
That's usually the first sign that they're coming down with something.
Kids get sick. They get sick in slightly mismatched cycles, with one becoming ill just as the other hits the halfway point between illness and recovery. There is no "finished," once the virus has run its way through all the kids, it will just make a second round. Or maybe they'll get lice or something, kids like to spice things up like that.
Sometimes you'll be thinking, "Yes, kids get sick every once in a while, but fortunately everything's OK for now," and other times you'll be thinking, "For !@#$ sake there has not been ONE DAY since December that somebody hasn't been sick, not ONE."
So for future note, here are some of the more common childhood sicknesses, their symptoms and treatment.
Cold:
The most well-known symptoms of a cold are:
- runny nose
- cough
But it's hard to diagnose a cold based on external symptoms like a runny nose, because all children's noses are basically constantly running from October to April. So you need to look a little deeper here, and look at your child's behavior.
- energetic enough to kick her sister, but too out of sorts to enjoy it.
That's your real sign right there.
Treatment: Arm yourself with tissues and lunge at their face to wipe it whenever they drop their guard. Also, lots of fluids or something.
Flu:
- fever
- lack of energy for normal activity, such as tearing up sisters' art projects
- child is tired during the day, but at night wakes up every two hours crying.
Treatment: Over the counter fever drugs (them), lots of coffee (you).
Stomach bug:
- lack of energy for anything but watching the same episode of Dora the Explorer over and over until you want to go back in time and shoot whoever wrote it.
- child is tired during the day, but at night wakes up every two hours crying and vomiting on you.
Treatment: Apple juice (them), vodka (you). Try not to get so tired you mix them up.
Urinary tract infection:
- child has plenty of energy to get up to no good during the day, but at night wakes up every two hours crying and grabbing themselves between the legs.
Treatment: In theory, antibiotics - but to get those, you have to first convince a toddler to pee in a plastic cup. So... try cranberry juice or something.
Lice/worms:
- child has plenty of energy during the day, but at night wakes up every two hours itching.
Treatment: Doing so much laundry that you start to wonder if you've been living in hell all along without realizing it, then doing it again when you find out the hot water settings were broken the first time. Also, spraying bug poison on your child or giving it to them orally. Don't worry about the side effects. Not all mutations are bad - your child might be the first real-life X-Man!
Oh crap it's really serious:
- child has a fever, but doesn't seem bothered by it. In fact, all child wants to do is alternately sleep, stare into space, and cuddle.
Treatment: Take your child to the doctor, feel ashamed for secretly hoping for hospitalization because then maybe you could finally finish your new book. Go home with worthless fever meds and instructions to come back if the fever hits 106 and spend the night constantly monitoring your child's temperature, which remains static at 105.9. By the morning your child will feel fine, and will be happily clambering over the drooling shell that used to be you.
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