Sunday, January 26, 2014

Uh oh... (or: on reading Matilda)

I've been reading the book Matilda with one of the kids.

It's a dark book in a lot of ways - there's an adult who goes around beating up little kids, emotionally abusive parents, child neglect, mentions of murder, etc. (As I may have mentioned, I have a theory that all the best children's entertainment - books, movies, poetry, etc - is pretty dark when you think about it.)

I was a little nervous about the particularly dark section we were reading tonight, where Miss Honey tells the story of her father's suicide-that-was-probably-murder, her abusive childhood growing up with Miss Trunchbull as a guardian, and how she's being forced to hand over most of her salary to Miss Trunchbull and live in abject poverty.

My (7-year-old) child's reaction to the concept of suicide: "What, so he did like this *puts hands in shape of gun, points in mouth* and just 'pow'?"

Me: *horrified* Umm... it may have been like that, the book doesn't say.

Child: *nods wisely* That's what [child's friend] does in class when it's really boring.

Good lord, where do they get these things.... (OK, the friend in question has an older brother in middle school, so I have a fair idea of where).

My child's reaction to the thought of Miss Trunchbull stealing all of Miss Honey's money:
"You know what I would do? I would give her money so she thinks it's real money, but really it's fake money. I would say *smiles cheerfully* 'here you go' and she'd think she had all my money and then I'd call the police and say 'she's using fake money' and she'd go to jail."

(OK, that one seems to have come straight out of my child's own active imagination. And I'm a little scared now.)

By the way, we previously had trouble getting through some parts of the story because she would get so mad that she would slap pictures of Matilda's father or Miss Trunchbull and we'd lose our place. I suppose it's good that her righteous indignation is being vented on books. 

Saturday, January 25, 2014

Awww. And... ewww.

A conversation with the kids on the way home:

A: Daddy, do you give permission for me to be a teacher when I grow up?

Viggy: Whether I like it or not, honey, when you'll be a grown up you won't need my permission. You can do any job you want.

(Adi and Viggy walk forward. N thinks over their exchange for a minute and reaches the logical conclusion)

N: Mommy, when Adi grows up are you and Daddy going to die?

Me: No, baby, hopefully we'll live a long time! Look, I'm grown up, and my Mommy is still alive, right? And Daddy's parents are still alive. Hopefully we'll be alive even when your kids are grown up.

D: But your Daddy isn't still alive.

Me: Right. But he didn't die because I grew up. I was already grown up when he died.

D: Mommy, when are you going to get a new daddy?

Me: I'm not ever going to get another daddy.

D: *is on verge of tears*

N: Why can't you get a new daddy?

Me: Because it doesn't work that way, honey. Once you're grown up you can't get a new daddy, because your daddy is the one who is with you when you're a kid.

N: But have you asked anyone?

Me: Have I asked anyone to be my new daddy?

N: *nods* Like... maybe Daddy could be your daddy! Or Uncle T, or Zeidy! [note: Zeidy is my father-in-law]

Me: ........

Me: [does not want to get into the many reasons it would be extremely disturbing for Viggy and I to share a father, for Viggy's 27-year-old brother to be my father, or for Viggy himself to be my father]

Me: *is saved* Oh look, we're home! Time to go brush teeth!

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Quotes, as promised

Adi told me she needed to bring a medium-sized candy with her to school for an activity. "Not big, and not small. You know, like, smaller than a watermelon, bigger than a bacteria cell."

***

N would prefer that I have a girl baby, "so that we can be five girls." That's it - no further explanation necessary.

Adi said a boy would be better "because right now it's like, girl, girl, girl, girl... We need a boy for a break. Like the period at the end of the sentence."

Adi also suggested that we compromise on me giving birth to girl-boy twins. I explained that (to her disappointment, and my relief) that is not going to be happening this time around.

***

The kids were out walking with a babysitter when D started climbing something she wasn't supposed to. (A fellow mother from daycare once told me, "That's what I think of when I think of D - that sign saying 'Warning: Do Not Climb, Danger of Death,' with your daughter trying to climb past it.")

Anyway. The babysitter told her to come down, to which D responded, entirely sincerely, "But if I climb down, how will I get to the top?"

Monday, January 13, 2014

Consider yourself warned - S - Spoiled

Hi all,

It's been a while. What can I say, I've been busy getting terrible grades on my calculus homework (yes, I already did calculus, and you thought you were done hearing me whine about it. But no, it turns out there are multiple calculuses (calculusii?). I'll try to save the whining for later).

Anyway. Spoiling kids. You only think it's possible.

See, spoiling kids is what happens when you give them whatever they want, whenever they want it. Then they never learn valuable life lessons like sharing, self-restraint, appreciation for the non-material things in life, and the fact that the world is a cold, cruel place that doesn't give a crap about them or their desires.

That's the theory, anyway.

Maybe it's just me, but from what I've seen, it's only possible to fill roughly 20% of an average child's requests either way. Sure, you could give them pizza for lunch, and let them watch TV all afternoon, but what are you going to do with the following:

"Mommy, how come only you get to have a baby in your tummy? I want one too!"

"I want a brother. An older brother."

"How come I was born in Jerusalem, and [child] wasn't? It's not fair!"
("What's wrong with being born in Jerusalem?"
"Because I wanted to be with the family!"
"You were with the family, honey."
"Not like that! You don't understand!!!")

"I want blue eyes."

"I want my hair to never have tangles."

"I want to be the Mommy now. It's my turn to be the Mommy, and you can be the baby."

"Fix the balloon for me." (said while handing me a mangled scrap of rubber.)

"I want a car."

"When are you getting married again?.... What do you mean, you're not getting married again???"

etc.

(for the record, that last one was a request from D that Viggy and I get married, because she wants to be at our wedding. When I explained that we had married before she was born, she was very hurt, and told me that when she's a Mommy, she'll be sure to wait and get married after the kids are born, so they get to come too.)

(Oh, and watching TV and eating pizza? Only safe "spoiling" activities if you have an only child. Otherwise, it turns into yet another debate over what to watch (Adi: Pink Panther, N: Pink Panther is boring. The pink one only does nonsense all the time, and the one with no neck is just like 'hurrrr.' N: Let's watch Arthur. D: No, Dora! S: DORADORADORADORA Adi: Dora is for babies. S: DORADORADORADORADORA. etc.))

So go ahead and buy your kids what they want, or don't. Either way, you can rest secure in the knowledge that most of their hopes will be disappointed.

******

In other news, I did a decent job sticking to my schedule today. I think I actually started to catch up on all the reading I have to do (the secret is to stop reading the proofs, and just trust the book to tell the truth about which theorems are real).

On the other hand, the "workout" bloc turned into the "read random crap online and eat biscuits" bloc. But you know what? That's OK. I'm confident in my body. I like the way I look just as I am. I don't need to torture myself to fit some crazy media ideal of "not a fat pasty blob that hasn't moved in two months."

Fried biscuits. I was eating fried biscuits.

(regarding "pasty" - you know you're in trouble when people from new england are telling you, in mid-January, that you've been looking pale.)

******

Doing terribly on math assignments is probably going to keep me busy for a while longer (if I keep working through my degree at this pace, for several years longer... ). But I'll try to update a bit more frequently, with random quotes and my latest thoughts on books, if nothing else.