A few people have asked me why, after my diet has more or less succeeded, I continue to draw myself as noticeably rounder than the rest of the family.
There are two reasons:
1. You may not have noticed, but my artistic ability is somewhat limited. Making me rounder than the other ovals is a way easier way to make it clear who is who than actually learning to draw would be.
2. I like that when I see people who read this blog in real life after spending a while apart, they tend to ask if I've lost weight.
But just for the record, here is how I look now:
The gray squares include helpful close-ups. I'll take them in clockwise order from the bottom left:
- First is my leg. It has a muscle now! I use the muscle primarily for squatting down to be toddler height (Kids take "I told you to STOP TRYING TO FEED THE PINECONE TO THE BABY! There won't be more warnings" more seriously when you're looking them in the eye).
- Second is my arm. It may look like it doesn't have a muscle at first, but if you squint really hard you can start to see what looks like a muscle but is actually just blurring brought on by eye strain.
- Third is my face. You can tell it has bones now.
- Fourth is my stomach. It remains lumpy, misshapen, and generally disgruntled. My stomach had to live through the third trimester of four pregnancies, during each of which I got large enough that it was harder to stand up and get things than to just stay on the couch and wait for them to get sucked into my gravitational pull.
Now it is time for Stomach Justice. From my abdomen's point of view, no number of situps can make up for the kind of cruelty it's been subject to. So there it remains, squishy and hostile. Admittedly fun to mold into funny shapes (you know, if I were ever bored enough to do that kind of thing. Which I'm totally not, because of all the housework and studying I'm busy with) but not so appropriate for the post-diet look.
Why am I telling you all this? As a heads up: people, I only look pregnant.
If you're thinking right now, "Oh, she's responding to me" - no, it wasn't just you. What can I say, I can see where people would get that idea. But rest assured that if I really am pregnant in the future, I will be at least twice this large. Also, I will be asleep by 1 AM, not blogging.
In the non-pregnant meantime, I'm going to continue to improve my health by drinking plenty of caffeine and alcohol while I still can. Oh wait, that's not "improve," that's "exploit." Exploit is usually the more fun of the two verbs.
I would gorge myself on sleep, too, but a certain teething baby objects.
There are two reasons:
1. You may not have noticed, but my artistic ability is somewhat limited. Making me rounder than the other ovals is a way easier way to make it clear who is who than actually learning to draw would be.
2. I like that when I see people who read this blog in real life after spending a while apart, they tend to ask if I've lost weight.
But just for the record, here is how I look now:
- First is my leg. It has a muscle now! I use the muscle primarily for squatting down to be toddler height (Kids take "I told you to STOP TRYING TO FEED THE PINECONE TO THE BABY! There won't be more warnings" more seriously when you're looking them in the eye).
- Second is my arm. It may look like it doesn't have a muscle at first, but if you squint really hard you can start to see what looks like a muscle but is actually just blurring brought on by eye strain.
- Third is my face. You can tell it has bones now.
- Fourth is my stomach. It remains lumpy, misshapen, and generally disgruntled. My stomach had to live through the third trimester of four pregnancies, during each of which I got large enough that it was harder to stand up and get things than to just stay on the couch and wait for them to get sucked into my gravitational pull.
Now it is time for Stomach Justice. From my abdomen's point of view, no number of situps can make up for the kind of cruelty it's been subject to. So there it remains, squishy and hostile. Admittedly fun to mold into funny shapes (you know, if I were ever bored enough to do that kind of thing. Which I'm totally not, because of all the housework and studying I'm busy with) but not so appropriate for the post-diet look.
Why am I telling you all this? As a heads up: people, I only look pregnant.
If you're thinking right now, "Oh, she's responding to me" - no, it wasn't just you. What can I say, I can see where people would get that idea. But rest assured that if I really am pregnant in the future, I will be at least twice this large. Also, I will be asleep by 1 AM, not blogging.
In the non-pregnant meantime, I'm going to continue to improve my health by drinking plenty of caffeine and alcohol while I still can. Oh wait, that's not "improve," that's "exploit." Exploit is usually the more fun of the two verbs.
I would gorge myself on sleep, too, but a certain teething baby objects.
Do I really need to say it? really? you know what's gonna help your stomach? HULA HOOPING!!
ReplyDeletePHYSICAL BENEFITS OF HOOPING:
-builds core strength
-tones the entire body
-supplies an intense cardio workout (from 200 - 500 calories per hour!)
-remains low impact (much better than a treadmill!)
-increases energy
-improves balance and coordination
-increases flexibility
-improves muscle memory
-helps to lose weight
but that's if, you know, you want all that stuff
Yes, but there are also the physical drawbacks of hooping if you're me:
Delete- bruising from hoop to the face
- twisted joints from left leg and right arm somehow getting caught together in hoop
- decreased mood due to terribleness at hooping
(I jest. I really should hoop more. But I still didn't master the third trick you taught me :(.)
It's a hard trick... but I'll teach you more tricks!! next time I come visit, I'm bringing a hoop!!
DeleteThat'll teach 'em for suspecting you're pregnant! Of course one of these days it'll be true...
ReplyDelete