Consider yourself warned - R - Revenge

Let's face it - if you have a significant other, you probably want revenge on them once in a while.

Don't give me any "oh no, Ali, we resolve all of our conflicts peacefully through mutual respect and understanding" nonsense. If you've been together for more than a year and neither of you is a robot, you want revenge for something.

It may have been a particularly egregious incident of pre-coffee rage/ backseat parenting:

Or maybe a certain overly casual approach to footwear disposal:

But whatever it is, the simple, nasty, survivalist part of your brain inherited from some prehistoric lizard - the part that makes up roughly 99% of the modern human mind - wants payback. Not "you killed my father, prepare to die" level vengeance, but something that will leave an impression.

Being a sane adult, you realize that the standard Hollywood fallback - put laxatives in their drink - is sadistic, unsafe, and much less funny when you're the one who has to clean the toilet.

And attempts at sneaky payback often misfire:

Or let's say you decide to repay pre-coffee rage with secretly non-caffeinated coffee:

Come lunchtime, you'll be the one to pay for it:

So how to satiate your need for justice without becoming either a total jerk or a victim of your own schemes? Enter your kids.

Feeling annoyed at your significant other? Try one of the following lines:

"Kids, Daddy just got home and he needs some time to relax. In the meantime, who remembers the words to 'this is the song that never ends'?"
"You want me to read Dora's Fairytale Adventure? That's so funny, Mommy was just saying how much she wants to read that with you!"

Instant, safe, guaranteed irritation. Nothing too cruel, but nothing to ignore, either.

The main concern is getting sucked into a petty-revenge-by-child cycle. This is an easy trap to fall into: