Consider yourself warned - R - Responsibility

When Adi was born, there was one question I kept hearing over and over: so what does it feel like to be a mom?

Really, what does it feel like to go from being a not terribly responsible 20-something who can't even remember her own phone number and considers popcorn and diet coke a balanced meal, to being a parent?

Simple: it feels like being a not terribly responsible 20-something who can't even remember her own phone number and considers popcorn and diet coke a balanced meal - who's just been handed a baby.

I mean, I was already old enough to realize that - contrary to my previous assumptions - there is no criteria for becoming an adult beyond surviving the first 18 years of your life. But still, it was somewhat shocking to be allowed to just walk out of the hospital with my new baby, as if I was a Responsible Parent and not a total airhead.

Today I'm as close to real adulthood as I'm ever likely to get. I have a real job with a monthly paycheck and everything, a real boss who really yells at me, life insurance, I think even a pension plan (I prefer not to find out for sure - why ruin the surprise?).

And yet it still feels more than a little like play-acting.

We're even getting a mortgage - a process that leaves me living in constant fear that I'm about to be somehow found out, even though we told the truth about everything. I worry that there's some criteria of Real Grownupness that I'm missing. The other grownups all seem to act so - you know - grown up.

(If the secret is preferring wine to grape juice, I can do that. If it's about reading John Grisham books instead of Harry Potter, I can even try that. But if I have to watch "quality movies" like Sideways and Lost in Translation instead of watching superheroes fight aliens in downtown Manhattan - it just isn't going to happen.)

Anyway. I just hope I don't look too uneasy around the bank people, they're probably trained to look for that.

But don't worry - being immature and ill-at-ease in the adult world isn't always an obstacle in parenting. Sometimes it even helps. I bet not many parents play with playdoh or watch Finding Nemo with the genuine enthusiasm that I do.