Ali learns a new parenting technique

Lately I've been struggling with how to punish the kids when they hit each other (or bite, or kick, or scratch, or headbutt... you get the picture).

Time outs worked well when they were younger, but now they're starting to realize that sitting on their beds for a couple of minutes is only a bad thing if they think it is.

Recently I tried getting creative and asking Adi what she thought her punishment should be for hitting. She enjoyed coming up with options.

"You should put me in a box," she said. "You should put me there all day until night. And don't let me come out. And don't let me eat or drink. Just sit in the box."

Then she decided to change one thing:

"Except for hot dogs. You should let me eat hot dogs."

We didn't go with the box thing.

A couple of days ago a neighbor stopped by. I had one of those "aha!" moments. This neighbor has older kids. Said older kids don't seem to be psychopaths. Maybe she can help me!

So I asked her what she does when her younger kids hit each other. She had an interesting approach: instead of punishing them, she uses it as an opportunity to help them learn how to resolve conflict peacefully.

"You ask each one of them for their side of the story," she said. "They each have to listen to each other. Then, you ask them what they think they could do to solve the problem. Whatever they say, give them positive feedback. Like, 'Oh, you think you should get all the candy and your sister shouldn't have any. That's a good idea, that would make you happy. But I don't think it would make your sister happy. Can you think of a solution that would make her happy too?'"

It sounded brilliant. I didn't have to wait long to put it into action.

"Girls," I said with as much parental authority as I had the energy to muster. "What's the problem? Why don't each of you tell me what you think is wrong?"

They more or less agreed what had happened:

I validated their feelings and stuff. Then I put on my best "no idea is a stupid idea" face and asked, "Now what do you think we could do that would make both of you happy?" They thought. I waited.

Viggy looked at me. I looked at him. And... you can probably guess where this is going.

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On a related note, I noticed recently that there's not much difference between an acid trip and TV programming for kids. The girls were watching something where, I kid you not, Mickey and Goofy slide down a purple slide inside some outer-space like realm inside a clock while colorful objects whirled around them. And then things got weird.

While they were watching I tried to be responsible and have an adult conversation, I really did. "Viggie," I said, "We should talk about the budget."
"Yes," he agreed.
"We need to save more money," I suggested.
"Uh-huh."
"I'm just worried about the whole thing with you going back to school and-"
"Yes."
"Wait, what?"
"Uh-huh."
I realized I had lost Viggie. He had been stolen by Mickey and Goofy's acid-fueled adventure.

As they say, if you can't beat them, join them. And that's how my brief attempt at constructive discipline led to all of us sitting around, staring and Mickey and Goofy and all the pretty colors.

At least the kids stopped fighting over the blanket. So... that's a form of progress, right?